Dave Ramsey
Dear Dave,
I just got married a week ago, and my husband and I are already having problems. While we were single, we practiced doing budgets together, and we agreed to follow your plan and get out of debt. The other day, we sat down to our first budget meeting as a married couple, and he told me he doesn’t consider the balances on his two credit cards to be debt. He said he plans to keep them for emergencies, but he’s still using them for everyday things. He’s 33, and I’m 31. I really want this marriage to work and be happy, but I’m feeling betrayed right now. Do you have any advice?
Natalie
Dear Natalie,
What bothers me about this issue isn’t some guy’s stupid (and wrong) statement that carrying balances on credit cards isn’t debt. It is debt. Period. What bothers me is, your husband is basically saying he doesn’t care about your opinions or being truthful with you. I’m really afraid that level of disrespect and dishonesty is going to invade every part of your relationship.
There’s an underlying lack of character here, along with an underlying lack of respect for his new wife. Instead of loving you, treasuring you and wanting to serve you, he’s all about what he wants to do and how he wants to look at things. He’s acting like he’s 14 years old. And I’ve got a feeling you thought you were getting a man as a husband – not a selfish little boy.
I think the core issue here is that you two have a really weak relationship. I’m not saying this to hurt your feelings, Natalie, but if he’s acting this way and treating you like this now, just imagine how things are going to look in a couple years.
Honestly? You shouldn’t accept his lack of honesty or the disrespectful way he’s treating you. I think you need to put your foot down now and declare a relationship crisis. Find a good pastor or counselor, and both of you – together – need to attend the sessions. Be open and honest about your feelings. See if you can get to the bottom of all this and fix things before they get worse.
God bless you both. I’m praying this works out well.
Dave
