Improving your relationships

Many years ago, I read of an unhappy woman who had an appointment with the well-known and highly respected psychologist, Dr. George Crane. She told him she did not like the way her husband treated her, that she planned to divorce him, then asked how to hurt him as much as possible in the process.

Dr. Crane gave her this extremely wise advice, “Well, if you really want to hurt him… start showering him with compliments. Tell him how much you love him and that he is a good husband. Reassure him that after all these years, you’re still glad you married him. Leave him little love notes. Do everything you can to convince him you are more in love now than you’ve ever been. Then, in a few months, when he believes everything is great, start the divorce.”

The woman was pleased with Dr. Crane’s advice and started to put his plan into practice. At her next appointment, a few months later the psychologist asked, “Well, are you ready for your divorce?” She replied, “Why would I do that? I love my husband!”

The vindictive wife experienced how her change in behavior changed the way her husband responded to her. Usually, if we are kind and loving, our spouse will also be as well. When we are understanding, our spouse will more likely be understanding. The bitter wife learned that when she changed how she treated her husband, he began treating her differently also and their relationship blossomed once more.

In a larger sense, Jesus’ rule of loving our neighbor as we love ourselves pays huge dividends with more than just our neighbors, it yields even richer rewards for husbands and wives. It is important to find the right spouse, but even more important to be the right husband or wife. When we are the best we can be, it often motivates our spouse to be more loving, kind, and understanding.

A variation of this principle is found in King Solomon’s wise words, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” (Proverbs 15:1, NLT) Combining a gentle attitude and the right words lowers the emotional volume in our relationships, and we get along better.

Although this principle applies universally, it is true in all our relationships. If you desire better relationships, be a better friend, co-worker, parent, or spouse. We cannot force others to become better people, but when we become the best version of ourselves, we inevitably encourage those around us to make positive changes too.