Bright and shiny
August 26, 2026
Dave Ramsey
Dear Dave,
My husband and I are trying hard to pay off debt and get control of our finances. The other day, my dad called and asked if we could give him $400 to take care of an overdraft at his bank. My dad’s a good man, but he has never managed money well. There have even been times he has gone to friends or my grandparents for money, and he’s 60 and has a job. What do you think we should do? We’re living on a really tight budget, and I’m not sure we have $400 to spare.
Melissa
Dear Melissa,
I understand feeling an obligation to help your dad. I mean, he’s your dad, right? But it’s a hard place to be in when you and your husband are working hard, short on cash and being disciplined in order to gain control of your finances.
But there’s a lesson here that dad needs to learn, and it’s something that goes much deeper than money or helping out a family member. You have to do the right thing, no matter how dad reacts to this. And now, the right thing is taking care of your family and not putting your household in jeopardy. So, my answer to dad would be a loving and caring “no.” Explain what you and your husband are trying to accomplish, and that you simply don’t have the money to spare.
Another thing that needs to happen is for the family definition of the word “help” to change. When you say he’s never handled money well, giving him $400 when he’s in another jam really won’t help. Plus, it will make you and your husband enablers. The hard truth is handing him the money will do more harm than good, because it will give him the idea he can continue being dumb with money and hit you up for cash anytime.
Like I said, I really do understand the pull of helping a parent. If you feel this is something you absolutely must do, and you can manage to do it without harming your own financial situation, I’d recommend making the $400 contingent on him beginning, and completing, a good financial counseling course. Be gentle when you talk to him, and let him know it hurts you both to see him struggling.
But let him know, too, it’s his responsibility to make some changes and take care of his own finances.
Dave
