Learning to delay gratification is part of maturing emotionally

Dear Dave,

I know a big part of your teaching centers around the importance of learning to delay gratification. You seem to believe reaching a level of maturity where you can do this is essential to attain the things in life that are really important. But this can be hard sometimes, no matter how old you are or how mature you happen to be. Do you have any suggestions for someone struggling to reach this point?

Brent

Dear Brent,

You’re right, it is hard. Sometimes it’s very difficult to leave the dinner table when someone’s asking if you want another piece of pie. And harder still to go from there to taking a nice, long walk instead. But learning to delay pleasure is part of the process when it comes to growing up emotionally.

When you’ve practiced it long enough, I think your mind starts to make the connection. You begin to realize that what’s waiting down the road – if you’ll just apply some forethought and discipline – is way better than whatever happens to be sitting in front of you at the moment.

Here’s a quick personal example. The last thing I wanted to do today was get up really early and go for a long walk. But the thing is, I know in my mind that I feel so much better the entire day when I get in a little roadwork first thing in the morning. That’s why I made myself get out of bed before sunrise and just do it.

I think the whole process starts in the brain, then works its way to the heart, where it promotes understanding – and mature actions. So, if you think about it, it’s really an intellectual behavior that influences will. You have to logically and intellectually grasp the concept, then think about where you’re going, and where you’ll end up, as a result of your actions.

It works for me, Brent. I hope it helps you, too!

Dave